Incomplete
by Loganite
Summary: Their story wasn't finished. This couldn't be the end of the road. There had to be more, Christopher was sure of it.
1. Chapter 1

Incomplete

_How many loves can one man have? Was there any truth to this belief of one true love?_ Christopher Hayden hoped not. That was the thought that plagued his mind day after day. It'd been three weeks since she'd told him she wanted a divorce. Three weeks since he was forced to walk away. Again. He'd lost track of the times she invited him to leave. But he could tell you this for sure; every one of those times he'd wanted to stay. Every one he'd returned.

He'd wanted to stay three weeks ago. He'd wanted to stay three years ago. He'd wanted to stay 22 years ago. 22 years ago he'd wanted her to stay or at least ask him to join her, them.

Lorelai had always been so stubborn, so independent. Her strength was what drew him to her, what reeled him in even from afar. In his heart of hearts he knew that she was afraid, afraid to let go and relinquish control. She was the one person he'd trusted in the world. She was the woman who held his heart. Without her he wasn't at his best. He was never whole without her. Without he was on 80 percent, she was his other 20.

His stomach churned with the memory of their goodbye. They'd never really had a goodbye. Of all the firsts they'd shared together, this was the only first he hated. He never wanted to hear her say those words to him, not laced with finality, not smothered with tears.

His daughter didn't understand what was happening. He couldn't explain it to her because he couldn't get the words to form in his mouth. _Their_ daughter had called to say she was sorry, to make sure he was okay. The relief from hearing her voice had brought tears to his eyes for that was his most deep rooted fear, losing her as a result of losing her mother. Rory loved him. Had told him as much. She'd made sure he knew she wasn't blaming him for what had happened. Had told him she wished things were different. He knew she meant it. Her words were so sincere. And when they'd sat on the phone in silence, each knowing the other was consumed with tears they'd comforted each other with silence. A silence that was ended when he'd asked her one favor: "Take care of your mother. Don't let her be sad. I'd hate for her to be sad." When she'd asked what about him he'd done what he'd always done, put on his brave face and said he'd be okay. Her promise to come see him and Gigi soon was greeted with excitement.

He'd dialed Loreali's number three times in three weeks, sent her flowers twice. Driven to Star's Hollow only once. He was proud of himself for that. That he'd been able to restrain his desire to go to her everyday beg her to change her mind, reconsider. He'd allowed Gigi to call her. Dialed the numbers for her and left the room, not knowing how he'd handle hearing she and Gigi tell each other how much the other was missed. Didn't want to hear Gigi ask when they were going to be together again. "Auntie Lorelai says goodnight." She's said she returned him the phone four days ago. "Goodnight Lore" he'd repeated each night before turning in her eyes on the snapshot of the on a random Parisian street resting on his night table.

Christopher didn't believe for one second that Lorelai didn't love him. That he wasn't the yang to her yin. He knew he was. Just as he knew she held his heart, he had no doubt that hers was his. This was her plight to regain control. To be in love, truly in love meant letting go, and her fear of losing herself was sometimes greater than her desire for true happiness. He could give her true happiness. She was his true happiness.

He was surrounded by women. His mother, his daughters, his Lorelai. He wanted to be what each of them needed him to be. Loving son, super hero, Dad, and just plain Christopher. He was all of those men. On his worst day, when he wasn't sure of what the next moment would bring, he was sure he was each of those men, or at least he could be if given half the chance.

What a life to be forced to live. To suffocate in an unwavering desire to be with all his ladies. Not just his mother and his daughters, for he knew his world would never be complete without her.

Without his Lorelai, _he_ would never be complete.

At 7:37 a.m. his eyes opened. He strained to gain focus on the alarm clock, his eyes pausing on the picture on the night stand. As if on it's own accord his hands reached for the phone and he dialed Lorelai's number for the fourth time in three weeks. This time he didn't hang up. This time he waited. Waited through three rings before she picked up. Caught off guard by the ringing at this hour he was sure.

No hello, no alarm, no panic in her voice when she said, "Chris?"

A sigh of relief was pushed from him lips as he said the only thing he could, his gruff morning voice belying, or adding depth to his words. "I miss you." There was no response. His words were met with silence. A silence that forced him to roll over and turn his back to the portrait of their happiness. He waited patiently, listening to her breathing. She did the same.

"Christopher." He waited, sure there was more to come but nothing followed.

"Lore, I miss you." He repeated. "I just wanted to say that." And then he pressed the button ending the call, terminating that torture.


	2. Chapter 2

I guess I should give the disclaimer. I don't own Gilmore Girls. Not that anyone reading this would think that I did.

Chapter two: Just Lorelai

That's who she wanted to be. Not Lorelai and Christopher. Not Lorelai and Luke. Just Lorelai. What was wrong with that anyway? What was this obsession with being attached to someone else? Wasn't being one person enough? Who decided that people were better after having been paired off? The world was filled with people, single people. The vast majority of us were born alone, would die alone, so what was wrong with living your life alone. Alone was okay. Alone wasn't overrated. Alone was perfect. Just what she thought she wanted to be. Why, then, did she feel so damn lonely?

Lorelai wasn't sure why she felt so impelled to end things with Christopher. At least that's what she was telling herself these days. She knew why she'd let go of her relationship with Luke. That she was clear of. She was tired of trying to make the relationship something it wasn't; perfect. She'd been so excited about the thought of life with Luke, a life that was very much within her control. She knew what to expect from Luke. She knew that no matter what, he'd be there, in Star's Hallow. He wouldn't ask her to leave. He wouldn't pull her back into a life she didn't like. A life that would mean she was her like her mother. The life of a Hartford society woman married to a Hartford society man, raising children in the same Hartford society she ran away from. An option she'd chose only after Dante's circle of hell had been taken off the table.

It bothered her that after realizing that Christopher was gone the entire town had assumed she was going after Luke again. Why did everything think that? Was man-hopping one of her most defining traits? What this one of her character flaws? Everyday for the past three weeks she'd gotten up and dressed for work, and everyday she'd missed something about Christopher and Gigi being there in the house. She told herself that feeling would soon pass. Of course she missed it, they'd developed a routine.

She doesn't remember a time Rory's been speechless. Not like she'd been when she delivered the news. The news that things weren't working, that her parents weren't going to work. Despite the mixed feelings she had after the wedding Rory had loved that they were together. She hated that she'd taken that away from her. Lorelai had shed more than a few tears when she overheard her daughter on the phone with her father. The apologies, the tears, it was too much. But for once, she had to do what was best for her. Rory was an adult now and she couldn't stay in the marriage just because Rory was happy. She couldn't stay because Gigi was has happy as she'd ever seen her, and she couldn't stay just because Christopher was happy. Or he had been happy, until she started to doubt their life. Until she got caught up in the past and what could have been.

Lorelai hated that Christopher offered what Luke hadn't been able to give her. All she wanted was to be a part of his life. She would've been happy with that. She was willing to give more that her fair share if only he would've been willing to trust her. Trust her with his daughter. She'd loved Luke. Loved what he represented. Loved what he'd been in hers and Rory's lives. Loved the future she saw that could've been. She hated that he didn't see the same future. Hated that he thought the relationship could survive such a large barrier.

She hated that Christopher had no reservations when it came to his love. His love was pure, uninhibited. He was so sure that he loved her, and that they could have a great life together. She hated that she loved that cockiness. She hated that she loved him even when he made her sick. She hated that he was right; hated that he knew her better than anyone else. She hated that Christopher knew her even better than Rory; almost as well as she knew herself.

Christopher knew her but he didn't understand. He couldn't grasp why she was so reluctant. Yes, she loved him. Yes, she wanted a future with him, but there was no way. There was no way she could be his wife, and still be herself.

He could make her so angry with his irrational behavior. Running off, disappearing the way he did. What the hell was he thinking? He had no reason to leave her like that. Or had he? Had he read the words on the character reference and known what she was thinking? Were her fears spelled out in that letter? Did he somehow see her words on the pages but read something entirely different? Did he feel that she was saying Luke was a better choice for her and she wished she'd married him?

None of it mattered now. It was done. She'd made her mind up. She wasn't with him and she wasn't with Luke. She was alone. Just Lorelai. It didn't matter what he thought, or what Luke thought, or what the rest of the town thought. All that mattered was what she knew. She knew she'd had a choice. She'd been pushed into a corner and she'd made a choice. She chose neither of them. She chose to be just Lorelai.

She couldn't figure out why the Bangles were playing in her head. It took a moment to realize that was her phone ringing. The ring tone she'd assigned to Christopher's name. Be With You alerted her to her husband's call. She was separated from her husband. She wondered what was wrong, praying it wasn't Gigi, or that he wasn't hurt.

"Chris?" She answered, questioning, afraid to say more than that.

"I miss you." She never thought this combination of words would make her feel this way. How could a simple statement make a person feel infinitely worse?

"Christopher." She didn't know what to say. What could she say? He sounded sad, run down. She was the blame.

"Lore, I miss you." He repeated. "I just wanted to say that." He'd hung up as soon as the words left his mouth. She wasn't given a chance to respond.

"I miss you, too." She said as the tears flowed down her face. She hadn't cried in two weeks. Not since she'd overheard Rory on the phone with her dad. She hadn't cried when she gotten his flowers, hadn't cried when Gigi had called, but today she cried. Today she cried because she did miss him, and he was the only person she wanted to talk to about the way she was feeling. The only person who would understand her insanity.

Today was going to be a long day, she could already tell.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: What a day

Today had been the longest day of her life. She was sure of it. Her early morning wake up call had gotten her off to a rough start, waking her up on the wrong side of the bed. So far, that had been the high point. Paul Anka had noticed her unusual testiness and headed for the hills before she rolled herself out of bed. Tears and sobs are no way to say good morning. The extra long shower she'd taken had given her a moment of reprieve, hiding the tears for her, as if she needed to disguise them for herself. The suddenly cold downpour reminded her of the kind of where she was and what she was doing.

What she wanted more than anything was a cup of Luke's coffee. That would've been a nice pick me up but she couldn't force herself to go in. She settled for a sub-par cup from Westin's and headed to the Inn where she learned that the wedding that had the Inn reserved for next week had been cancelled, the bride deciding this wasn't the man for her after all. Michelle's heightened state of duress nearly put her over the edge. No matter what she did, the hits kept coming.

_"I miss you." _In her mind she'd heard those words at least a dozen times. In reality she'd only heard them twice.

Now here she sat in her jeep en route to Hartford alone. Today was Friday and she was on her way to dinner with her parents, sans, Rory. No, Rory was meeting Gigi and her father. As if her day hadn't been bad enough she only learned this news half an hour ago, though Rory swore she'd mentioned it before. After speaking with her mom Rory had insisted on asking her dad for a rain check, putting it off for a day to be with her but she'd insisted she go. She couldn't do that to Gigi. She'd been looking forward to seeing her big sister, Lorelai was sure of it.

Lorelai wished for someone to talk to about what she was feeling, someone who'd be unbiased. She realized she had no one in her life that didn't have a preference; no one would be able to be objective. She'd tried talking to Sookie but there was no use. She wanted her with Luke, and her not-so subtle inferences were not what she wanted to hear today.

She can't remember a day that she'd been this quiet, this solemn. For fear of saying something she wasn't sure she was ready to say she said very little. Kept to her self as much as possible and focused a lot of 'the books'. When was the last time she'd spent five straight hours in her office? Never, she supposed.

After coming to a stop in the driveway she pulled out her phone, preparing to send a text. She keyed a few words. A question, that wasn't really a question at all, rather a request.

"Stars Hollow tonight?"

The tap on the window caught her completely off guard. It was her mother. It was after seven. She was late. Tossing her phone in her purse she apologized profusely, assuring her mother that she was just checking in at the Inn, Michelle, who was having trouble with a guest. Her mother's rant about cell phones being at the helm of the demise of the American family was comical. She thought the exact opposite. She'd be miserable and distracted if she had to wait until after dinner to know what the reply was, or if there were a reply.

The last thing she wanted tonight was to be psychoanalyzed by her psychotic mother. Maybe she would be able to get out of there early tonight, with her Dad's special diet there was no way this would be one of her mother's marathon meals. Right?

She couldn't believe it. Lorelai was actually stunned. More shocked than she'd been in a while. Ordinarily, she would have been appalled at her mother's behavior, but tonight she was… Well she was stunned. The thought of having to share a meal solely with her mother because her father had been sent away sent all kinds of bells off in her head. She knew her mother meant well. She understood what she was attempting to do, but it just wasn't right. They didn't have _that_ kind of relationship. Her mother forced her unsolicited advice on her as if they were compliments not the hardly veiled insults. If she were honest she would give her mother credit for trying; an A for effort. I mean, she had tried to make her favorite dinner. It shouldn't matter that pot roast was Rory's favorite, not hers. Oh, and not once had she mentioned Rory for fear of his name coming up. Lorelai was thankful for that as well.

No response. Two hours had past since she sent the text and no response. Oh well, what was she expecting. She was the only one with nothing to do on a Friday night. Nothing to do and no one to do it with. Well, that wasn't true. She had Paul Anka and he'd be happy to see her. Yes, Paul Anka was always happy to see her. She was exiting the interstate when the phone rang. She picked it up in an instant.

"Where are you?" The caller asked not waiting for a greeting.

"Hartford. Where are you?"

"On the way."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Happy Girls/Lonely Dad

A genuine smile. Real, sans pretense. Christopher smiled a smile that was forced. Not that he wasn't happy to see her; he was. He was always happy to see that beautiful face. But today, his smile as well as hers was forced. The only true happiness flowed from the heart of a five year old. Her eyes lit up and she shrieked, so excited at seeing her sister she didn't know how else to express herself. When Rory picked her up and spun her around I was the world's proudest father. It gave me so much pleasure to know that my girls were so happy to see each other.

Christopher smiled his first real smile in a month.

It was short lived. When he looked in those mesmerizing blue eyes and noticed the concern in them, his real smile faded, being replaced by one that assured her he was okay. She hugged him; held on a little longer than normal. He squeezed a little tighter than usual. "Hey, Ror. You look great."

"Thanks Dad." Was all she managed to get out before Gigi started telling her about her life, the happenings at school, and the Play. She wanted Rory to come, and Auntie Lorelai and then when it was over we could go for ice cream because that was Auntie Lorelai's favorite.

Rory's attempts to avoid his eyes as Gigi went on about what they were all going to do together. He busied himself with dinner, trying his best not to ruin this for Gigi and Rory. As Gigi focused on her macaroni and cheese, Christopher asked about Logan, taking advantage of one of the few moments to talk to Rory. She surprised him when she asked about his mother. He let her know that she was probably ready for Gigi and me to go. This was her cue to speak, informing the table that she too was ready to go home. Home to Auntie Lorelai's house.

Christopher thought Rory was going to choke on her drink as the words left Gigi's mouth seconds before she filled it with more macaroni and cheese. The question in Rory's eyes may as well have been screamed at him. "_You haven't told her?_" How could I have told her something I'd barely allowed myself to acknowledge?

"Why don't I take you to Star's Hollow tomorrow Gigi?" Rory offered.

"That's okay. Daddy's gonna take me, right Daddy?"

"Gigi I think you should go with Rory, it'll be good. That way you don't have to wait until I get back from work."

"I can wait Daddy. I wanna go with you so we can sing."

"I can sing with you Gigi."

"That's okay." Gigi replied, not really liking the idea.

He turned in his chair to face Gigi, making sure she knew she had his undivided attention, "Gigi, sweetie. I'm not sure when we'll get a chance to go home to Star's Hollow."

"I do. Auntie Lorelai said she'd see me soon. She promised."

"When did you talk to Lorelai?"

"You called her, silly. You let me speak to her on the phone, menember Daddy."

"Of course I remember."

When Rory checked her phone he knew the message that came through wasn't from Logan. The look on her face told him it was from her mother. It told him that she was conflicted.

"How is she?" Christopher asked.

"Huh? What, no that was…"

"Ror."

Defeated, she responded. "I don't know Dad. She won't talk about anything."

"She upset that you're here?"

"No, of course not. Why would you say that?"

"I didn't think about tonight being Friday night, and that whole bit."

"It's okay Dad. I wanted to be here with you and Gigi. I'm having a great time."

"I understand if you want to cut out early, go to your mom."

"No, Dad. Really, it's fine. Tonight it's me, you, and Gigi, Right Gig'."

"Right, you, me, and Daddy."

"Ror, she needs you."

"What about you? Don't you need me?"

"Of course." She wanted to be everything for everybody. That was Rory. A heart of gold with not a selfish bone in her body.

"So a compromise. After dinner, I head to Star's Hollow to see Mom, and I mention the whole, thing we just talked about and see how that goes over." She said gesturing to Gigi, as to not get her hopes up by mentioning seeing Lorelai.

"That sounds perfect, but listen, Ror, don't push her."

"I won't."

To say Christopher was hopeful would be an egregious understatement. Yes, he was aware how pathetic it sounded that he was allowing his daughter's desire to part of a family get him closer to her, but all he wanted was to see her. He needed to look in her eyes and see for himself that she was okay, or that she was not okay. He just needed to see for himself.

There had been so many times he and Lorelai and come together only to be forced apart due to circumstance or chance. So many times he'd been pushed away. So many times he'd walked away on his own. These days he wasn't sure if he allowed himself to think of all those times, or if he tried to stop the thoughts from coming. One thing was for sure, he was kicking himself for all the missed opportunities, the failed tries and half-assed chances.

The part he hated the most was this time, he's not sure he actually did anything to put the wedge between them. He accepted his part in not being there for her when Richard suffered his heart attack but by then the damage had already been done. He was hurt, and when it came to her he wore his heart on his sleeve. The reality that the fairy tale life he'd looked forward to for twenty-five years was falling apart before his eyes and there was nothing he could do to stop it was too much for a man in love to bear. The thought of losing Lorelai was killing him. The knowledge in pen and ink was finishing him off. For the life of him he couldn't figure out why he was never good enough. Why she couldn't see that she was all he ever wanted.

For a confident man, learning that the love of your life didn't want what you had to offer was a lot to deal with. He still wasn't ready to face the reality that his marriage was over.

So for now he would remain hopeful. He'd continue to send her reminders until she asked him to stop. He'd allow Gigi to see her. He'd allow Rory to be there for them both. He'd deal with his grief in his own way.

He'd revel in denial for a while.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own Gilmore Girls.

Chapter 5: In Between the Two

Rory was happy that Taylor hadn't closed yet. She was not sure why but I got the feeling that her mom was ready to wallow. Either she was ready to wallow, or just talk about things and either way Rory knew they'd need sugar. After stocking up on the usual treats, red vines, twizzlers, cookies, cookie dough, ice cream, chocolate, well you get the picture, she headed to the house. Expecting to see her mom rushing toward her she was surprised when the down stairs was empty and there was no answer to her call.

"Mom, I'm here where are you?" She tried again. This was strange. Where could her mother have gone off to? Her jeep was in the yard. She picked up the cell phone and dialed her number, jumping in surprise when she heard the muffled sound of her mother's phone ringing from the living room. It was in her purse on the side table. She began to panic. Where could her mother be? She'd driven through town and hadn't noticed her anywhere along the way. "Paul Anka, where's mom." The fickle dog just buried his head under his paws. He was no help.

Not wanting to worry or over react Rory looked for any sign of something out of place. She knew she was being silly, no one would kidnap her mom, but she looked around just the same. Her mind was starting wander. Where could she have gone?

_Babette's? _No, she would've seen me pull up?

_Sookie? She could be at Sookie's?_ In a flash she'd grabbed the phone and dialed Sookie's home number. "Sookie, is mom there? She's not? …Um, no. It's okay. Maybe she's at the Inn… I know she had Friday night dinner but she's been here. Her purse is here…. Yeah. You're right. Thanks Sookie." She appreciated the way Sookie tried to reassure her even though she knew her called had gotten Sookie on edge as well.

The only other option was Luke. Her mom had gone to Luke. She decided to jump back in her car to ride by and check things out. Too afraid of what she mind, she made a turn before getting to Luke's. After circling the block she ended up in front of Luke's. He was at the counter and the dinner was still had a few patrons, her mother not among them. She breathed a sigh a relief, a breath she hadn't realize she'd been holding. Out of ideas, she ventured to the Inn, walked in and headed straight for the kitchen. When she didn't see her mom there she made a beeline for her office. Still, no luck.

Defeated Rory headed back to her car and did the only thing she could think to do. She called her dad.

Christopher answered on the first ring. "Ror, is everything okay?"

"I can't find Mom."

"What do you mean you can't find her?" Panic evident in his voice, he continued. "She's not at the house? Maybe she stopped by the Inn or Dosey's to get some ice cream."

"No, Dad. I've looked all over town. She's not here." She wasn't sure why she was so upset but she couldn't stop the tears.

"Calm down Ror. I'm sure your mom is fine…Rory, where are you?"

"I'm at the house."

"It sounds like you're driving. I hear car sounds. Rory, you can't drive like this."

"I was driving but I'm not anymore, Dad. I'm here at the house and Mom's car is here and her purse is inside and her car keys, Paul Anka's here but she's nowhere to be found."

Christopher had taken the first exit and was on his way to Star's hollow. He'd never heard Rory sounding so worried. "Maybe she just took a walk. Your mom has had a lot going on lately. I'm sure she's fine hon. I need you to relax." He was saying the words because they were what Rory wanted to hear but inside he was a wreck. _Where could she be?_

"She's not fine Dad. She's not. She's not taking this well, this whole thing with the two of you. I knew she wasn't doing well. I should've been there. I shouldn't have gone with you tonight. Mom needed me."

"Ah, kid. It's not your fault. You can't blame yourself. If it's anyone's fault it's mine. I was being selfish. I hadn't seen you, and Gigi was asking for you and Lorelai, and I, just. I… There's nothing to worry about. Your mom is fine. Everything is okay. Rory, are you still in your car?" He'd never forgive himself if something happened to Lorelai.

"Yes, I'm going to go look around some more for mom."

"Listen to me. Go inside, wash your face. Put on some coffee. Lorelai will home before you know it and she's going to want a cup. Do you hear me? I don't hear you moving. That's my girl."

Rory's voice was so strained, Christopher could barely hear her when she said, "Dad, where is she?"

"I don't know Ror, but she's fine."

When Rory heard the front door open she rushed over anticipating her mother. "Mom!... Dad, what are you doing here?" Christopher walked in holding a sleeping Gigi in his arms, worry washed all over his face. He opened his other arms and Rory rushed into them. He just held her for a moment. Tucking her under his arm and squeezing tight. The remainder of the drive he'd said silent prayers that Lorelai would be home by the time he and Gigi reached Star's Hollow.

"Let me put Gigi down." Christopher couldn't help but have an awkward feeling. He'd been so happy to call this place home and now he wasn't sure where to lay his daughter to sleep. Rory sensed his hesitation and put him out his misery. "I'll take her." She returned from putting Gigi in her bed and found Christopher in the very spot she'd left him in.

"Thanks, Dad. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to come out here, I just freaked out a little."

"It's okay Ror. You call me whenever you just freak out a little. It's fine."

Unsure of how much time had passed, or what time it was Christopher awakened. He felt the weight of a body pressed to his side. It was Rory. They'd fallen asleep on the couch. The sound of someone clearing their throat startled him. It was Lorelai. She sat in the armchair watching him with puffy red eyes. She pressed a finger to her lips begging for his silence and got up, hoping he'd follow her. He carefully extracted himself from his spot and placed a pillow under Rory's head. It was just past two in the morning.

He tried to clear his mind of sleep and made his way to the kitchen where Lorelai stood making coffee. He embraced her from behind, holding on a little too tightly. "Thank God you're alright."

Lorelai was unable to stop her tears as she felt the tremble in Chris' voice. _What had she done?_

"Chris."

"Lor, please. Just let me hold you." She'd never seen his so vulnerable. She turned in his arms and wrapped her arms around him giving him what he'd asked for. The unshed tears in his eyes enlightened her. Maybe she wasn't the only one hurting.

"Okay."

SO…What do you think? Too emotional? Where do they go from here?


	6. Chapter 6

Once again, I don't own Gilmore Girls.

Thanks to my readers and reviewers. Be patient, this is going somewhere, I promise.

Here we go…

Chapter 6: Emotionally Drained

If Christopher tried he couldn't describe how he felt right now with Lorelai in his arms again. He was overcome with relief, nervousness, elation and anger. He was one ball of emotion and by the warm tears currently soaking his shirt he could tell Lorelai wasn't doing any better than he was. Chris tried to whisper reassuring words in her ear while rubbing her back gently. His cooing words of _it's okay Lor, everything's going to be okay_ caused Lorelai to shake her head in negation and hold on tighter. His heart was beating too hard, too fast. Before he knew it his eyes were leaking. He simply gave in to his emotions and released the hurt and sadness he'd tried so hard to avoid after she'd asked him to leave.

Rory found them that way. Aroused by the smell of fresh coffee she'd opened her eyes and remembered where she was. When she turned to follow the whimpering sounds she was shocked at the sight before her. Her parents in each other's arms in tears, in the middle of the kitchen floor. Suddenly her face was wet, too. She was so confused. Rory was happy that her mom was safe, but sad that they were both so hurt and she was scared that the cause and cure of their problems was her mother.

Christopher noticed her presence and quickly wiped his face. A futile effort to hide his tears from Rory. He gave Lorelai a nudge to let her know Rory was awake.

When Lorelai saw Rory her eyes flashed with panic. She'd seen that look and she knew immediately how upset her daughter was.

"Rory, I'm - " She tried to apologize but she was cut off.

"Where were you?"

"Hon."

"No. Where were you? I was worried sick. I've been all over town and you were no where to be found. I called Sookie, and went to the Inn, I even went by Luke's because who knows, maybe you'd run to him this time."

"Rory." Lorelai plead, but it was of no use. Rory was upset and when she's upset she has to get it out. Lorelai knows this. Chris, however, didn't know how to respond. He knew Lorelai couldn't handle the type of onslaught that Rory was ready to handout, but if he were honest, the thought of her running to Luke had entered his mind as well.

"Come on kid, cut your mom some slack, we've all had a long night." He tried.

"No, Dad. I will not cut her some slack. We had a long night because she made it long. She sent me messages while I was with you and Gigi, she asked me to come be with her and when I get her she's gone, for hours, no where to be found and she still hasn't told us where she's been. I don't know how you can be so understanding, Dad. I know how miserable you've been lately. You can't deny that, and just like that, here you are protecting her."

"Rory let me explain."

"You don't have to explain just tell me where you were."

"I was at the bridge. I just needed to think, Rory. That's all. I went out to go clear my head and wait for you, and I guess I just lost track of time."

"You're so selfish, all you ever think about is yourself. If you wanted time to think you shouldn't have asked me to come out here. I could've been with Logan, who was hoping to spend his one weekend off with me, but no, I put him on the back burner because you needed me. And Dad, do you think this is where he wants to be? You don't want him, but here you are wrapped in his arms like --"

"Auntie Lorelai!" Gigi came barreling into the room and the adults had no choice but to stop yelling and give her their attention. She jumped into Lorelai's arms when she bent to greet her. "I missed you. Daddy said he was going to bring me but I guess I felled asleep." The little girl smothered Lorelai's face with kisses.

"I missed you, too, Gigi."

"It's okay Auntie Lorelai. Daddy says it's okay to cry if you miss someone."

The sight was too much for Christopher. He turned on his heal and headed out to the porch for some fresh air. Without a word Rory left to go check on her Dad.

Lorelai was speechless and that didn't happen often. But this was too much for her to bear. She hadn't expected Christopher to be there but when she'd seen his car in the driveway the only thing she'd felt was relief. For the first time in weeks Lorelai felt a feeling of peace, but when she walked into the living room and saw Christopher and Rory asleep on the couch, his arm protectively around her it dawned on her that this was what she wanted. She wanted them to remain a family, but sitting there watching them sleep the weight of the situation crashed down on her shoulders.

They'd messed up. Both of them, but she'd been the cause of it all. Her fear had been the biggest wall in between them. She couldn't allow herself to truly be happy with Christopher because she was always waiting on the other shoe to drop. Christopher had been so happy about their relationship. He was so excited, so optimistic, so open. But he was Christopher and that meant that it wouldn't last. That's what she'd told herself. Only this time she'd been wrong.

Rory didn't know how to approach her father. She realized that she had no idea how to comfort him. What he needed when he was hurting. Did he need space? Did he need her to listen will he ranted? Did he just need to know she was there? History told her that he needed to go, think. Run. That was after all one of the many things her parents had in common. But Christopher wasn't running. He hadn't left. He'd taken a seat on the step, and he was currently staring out into the yard, seemingly in a trance. Rory didn't know what to say so she just sat down beside him. He drew in a huge breath and released it slowly.

"I'm fine Ror."

"Trying to convince me, or yourself?"

After a moment's pause and another shaky breath responded, "A little bit of both I guess."

"Well, you don't have to. I get it."

"I don't know if I get, kid. But, uh, look. You should go be with your mom. You were kind of harsh back there and she needs you."

"And what do you need, Dad."

"Everything I need is in this house, Ror."

"Dad."

"Rory. I'm fine."

"That's not any more convincing than it was the last time you said it."

"I will be fine. Your mother, she uh… Well it's more important that you go to her right now and try and forgive her for tonight. I'm the reason she's the way she is right now. Don't hold it against her."

"How can you say that? Dad, I know how happy you were about Mom finally agreeing to marry you. I'd never seen you as happy as you were the last six months and now you want me to believe you're okay with her pining for Luke will you were together and asking you to leave without even giving the marriage a chance. I'm not buying it, Dad, so stop. This is what Mom does. She always has an escape plan. You were it in all her past relationships. Now, with you, it's Luke. How can you let her trample your heart like this and say it's okay?"

"I've done my fair share of trampling over the years."

"Not like this."

He had to agree. "No kid. Not like this. But I wasn't there for her when she needed me. When your Grandpa had his heart attack I was gone. I'd run. I left and took Gigi because it was all I could do. I was overwhelmed and I made the biggest mistake of my life. What I'm feeling now, I deserve it."

Their moment was interrupted by the sound of Lorelai's voice. "Rory, hun, can we talk?"  
Chris was first to speak, "I'll just uh, get Gigi and get out of here." He avoided Lorelai's eyes as he headed to the door. She stopped him before he made it past her and said, "She's already asleep, and I was hoping we could talk when Rory and I were done."

"Why don't you two talk and I'll go join Gigi? I'm tired. It's been a long night."

Lorelai tried, fighting a new batch of tears, "Rory."

"Good night."

In Rory's wake Lorelai was quiet so Chris broke the ice. "So, how much of that did you hear?" He tried for a light hearted opening, but it came across as more. It was obvious he was hoping she hadn't heard any of his exchange with their daughter.

"I'm not pining over Luke, Christopher."

"Can we not do this right now? I want to talk, I do, but I can't right now. Not about that. Rory, I've only seen her that upset once, and it was when she asked me to stay away when you were with Luke and she thought I'd gone against her wishes and sought you out anyway. She's upset Lor, and she's hurt. I can't imagine what it's doing to Gigi. We can't just think about ourselves right now, and that's what we've been doing." His words were delivered with a solemn pitch, as if he was embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, Christopher. This, this divide, it's not what I want." He had no response. Lorelai, after the better part of thirty five years was still an enigma to him. Lorelai gave him time to think about what she was trying to say. She'd hoped the extent of her words was sinking in. After what seemed like too long he opened his arms and she gladly walked into them.

"What do you want Lor?...What do you want?" One word. That's all it would've taken. One word. But Lorelai wasn't able to deliver that word. Instead, she did what she could in that moment.

"Please, Chris." _Please Chris. _ What was he supposed to say to that? He'd asked her as straight forward as he could've and she'd been unable to answer.

"I have to head back to Hartford. I'm going to get Gigi. I'll call you tomorrow, we'll talk."

"You're going back to Hart-"

"I think it's best."

"Chris, it's almost three o'clock. Don't get on the road again tonight, please."

"Lorelai, you don't get it. I don't want to be here because it's convenient. I want to be here because it's where you want me to be. Tonight is not a good time to try work things out."

She knew he was right, but she didn't want him to leave. Lorelai hoped this was one of those times where Chris just knew what she was thinking.

"I, uh, told Gigi, I'd take her for pancakes in the morning. I don't want to disappoint her. She made me promise I'd be there when she woke up in the morning."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Lor. We need to figure this out. Gigi - "

"Is five, and looking forward to pancakes with her Auntie Lorelai when she wakes up. Please, Chris, let me give her that. I understand if you want to go, but please leave her and maybe tomorrow you can come pick her up and then we can talk."

"Fine, I'm going to go say goodnight."

"Thank-you." She said.

After kissing both his daughter's on the forehead Chris stood in the doorway watching for a moment.

"She'll be fine."

"It's not her I'm worried about." He gave her the quickest kiss on the cheek, just a brush of his lips and then he was gone.

So, what does everyone think?


	7. Chapter 7

As we all well know, I don't own Gilmore Girls.

AN: You guys are tough. I got no reviews from the last chapter. All that emotion and nothing…  I didn't realized I had the anonymous reviews enabled, so maybe it's kinda my fault, but, I digress. I wanted to continue this story so, here we go.

Chapter 7: Both sides of wrong

Leaving. That's what Christopher was doing again when all he wanted to do was to stay. What he wouldn't give to erase it all and go back to where they were before he found the letter. He's heard people say that ignorance is bliss and he for one was a believer. He'd been blissfully happy before. It pained him to think he'd never be that happy again.

Now, on the interstate as he headed for Hartford he couldn't help but dread each coming mile. Yes, Hartford was only a half an hour away, and he could be back in Star's Hollow at a moments notice as had been proven earlier tonight, but something about this just felt wrong; had felt wrong since he'd left with Gigi after confronting Lorelai about the letter. He'd been in limbo. His body journeying to his mother's house, his heart still back in Lorelai's.

Chris turned onto the street he'd grown up on and sighed. It'd only been a few weeks but he was tired of living with his mother. He'd been putting off looking for a place for himself and Gigi because if he were honest he was hoping things would work out with Lorelai. He wanted her. He wanted them. The sound of his phone going off caused him to wrinkle his brow.

He answered in askance, wondering which of his girls was calling. "Hello."

"Hey. Have you made it to, wherever you were going? I was worried, it's so late and you're- "

"I'm in Hartford. I just pulled up to the house." He answered both her questions. "So, is everything okay? Gigi, Rory?"

"They're both asleep."

"Yeah? Why aren't you? You must be tired."

"I'm exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. Not until I knew you were okay."

"I'm okay."

"Me, too. I'm good, so I'm going to let you go. I'll see you tomorrow. What time were you going to… Uh, when do you think you… Did you think-"

"Lor. You have to finish at least one of those if you want an answer."

"I know. I'm not making any sense. I'm so tired, and I just, I wish you hadn't left tonight. I wish you were here. I'm so sorry." He knew she was crying and it was taking all his resolve not to join her. He didn't want to be that guy, the guy who cries when his heart is hurting.

"Lor. I'm sorry too. You have no idea how much."

"So… Tomorrow, we'll talk. Okay. We'll get some rest and we'll talk tomorrow. If I'm going to be up having pancakes in four hours I need to get my rest. Oh and how could I forget, an angry Rory."

"Yes, she was pretty upset. I'll tell you what though. I'll come over in the morning and Rory and I can do our own thing for breakfast."

"Thanks, but I have to talk to her. Chris, are you still in the car?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Honestly, I don't want to go in. I don't want to be here. I shouldn't be here. I should be there with you, Gigi and Rory, but everything is so screwed up. We are so screwed up. God, I hate this. Lor, I'm sorry, I need to go."

"Chris."

"I'll see you tomorrow. We're tired, we both need some sleep."

"Okay, goodnight."

"Night, Lor."

He disconnected the call and fought the urge to scream. He never thought finally getting the girl would cause him this much pain. After finishing a drink of scotch and apologizing for waking his mother, he stepped into the shower, hoping to wash away some of the stress. Lorelai had no idea how crazy she made him. He loved her with every fiber of his being, but he worried that loving her would never truly be enough. He'd been wrong so many times. Things hadn't worked out in all those years so was he a fool to think that she would finally see him as "_Right_?" Christopher always known Lorelai was his one true love, but Lorelai, needed so much more than that. His biggest fear was that he'd always fall short.

Crying. She'd been doing so much of that lately and quite frankly she was tired of it. Her heart had been on a roller coaster for months and she wanted it stop. When would it end? The breakup with Luke, sleeping with Chris, avoiding Chris, dating Chris, avoiding Luke, marrying Chris, missing Luke, the fight with Chris, her father's heart attack, Luke showing up, Chris showing up, asking Chris to leave, wanting Chris to come back, it was all too much for her to handle.

Lorelai's perfect solution to this would be for the two of them to talk things out; for her and Chris to open up about everything and find a way to get past the problems in their relationship. She was sure this is what she wanted. She could forgive him for not being there when her father had his heart attack. She knew he was angry. He had every reason to be angry. She just didn't know if he could forgive her for keeping her feelings about Luke from him.

Christopher had been honest with her and she hadn't given him the same level of honesty and for that she'd been wrong. The truth was when Luke asked her to write the letter she'd been touched. She'd spent sometime reminiscing on all the ways in which Luke had been a part of hers and Rory's life and wondered if he was who she was supposed to be with. She'd had those thoughts but when she'd and Chris and the girls had spent the day together and she'd seen how happy they were it had dawned on her. This was the family she wanted. But how could she tell her husband that? How could she explain her distance without letting him know he was right? She did still have feelings for Luke; strong feelings. He'd done so many things over the years to endear her to him, but she wasn't in love with him.

Lorelai couldn't remember ever being in this position. She'd never had to fight to get a man back. Convincing someone of her feelings had never been a problem for Lorelai but never had she wanted to just throw caution to the wind and leap. All her adult life Christopher had been her security net. He was her someone to fall back on. Who would she fall back on now that she was determined that with Christopher was where she wanted to be? Was she wrong to be scared? Was she not aloud to have doubts?

She hoped Rory would be feeling a little better his morning so they could talk. She needed to know that Rory was okay. She'd been so angry. She fought so long to not have the relationship between her and Chris have a negative effect on Rory and now…

Lorelai knew what was right, and she decided it was time to clear up all that was wrong.

Okay. There you go. Tell me what you think.


	8. Chapter 8

Once again, I don't own Gilmore Girls.

**Chapter 8: The girls weigh in**

Lorelai had never needed a cup of coffee like she did at this moment. No one told her it would be this hard to deal with an extremely excited five year-old on, at best, and three a half hours sleep. Rory was never this much work; she didn't care what anyone said. And to think, she'd just ask the waitress for three chocolate chip pancakes and chocolate milk. It wouldn't be so bad if she'd had a chance to speak with Rory first but Rory was still asleep when Gigi'd bounded up the stairs and jumped on the bed, dressed and ready to go. Surprisingly the little girl waited patiently while Lorelai showered and threw on some jeans and a shirt.

"Auntie Lorelai, where's daddy? Did he have to work today?"

"Yes, honey. But he'll be back later." Luckily for the Lorelai the little girl didn't need much entertaining. Her mind was a million miles away, well, not a million; just one. She couldn't stop thinking about Rory and how she'd reacted. Now that she'd had a minute to step back from the situation she thought Rory's response to was an overreaction. It's not like Rory had never needed time to think. Why couldn't Rory understand what she was going through? Hadn't she been there when she struggled through the early months of her relationship with Logan?

She was brought out of her musings when Gigi called her name. "Auntie Lorelai, the food's here. Aren't you hungry? I know I am. Pancakes are my favorite but Daddy says chocolate chip pancakes are for special 'casions. Is this a special 'casion Auntie Lorelai?"

"It is if you want it to be. Is there something you want to celebrate, sweetie?"

"Can it be my birthday?"

"No, honey. Today can't be your birthday. Think of something else."

"Umm, oh, I know." She produced her doll from her tiny backpack with pride. "It's Daisy's birthday."

"Okay, it's Daisy's birthday. Now Daddy won't be mad that I let you have chocolate chip pancakes."

"Are you mad at Daddy? I asked him if he was mad at you and he said no. But we spent the night at Grandma's house for a lot of nights. I asked Daddy if we could go home and he said that we were home. But I know he wasn't telling the truth, 'cause home is at your house."

_Children had a way of making things so simple. If only it were that easy,_ Lorelai thought. Why couldn't things be that simple once you'd reached double digits?

"Gigi, your home is wherever your dad is, okay."

"I think Daddy wants our home to be your house, too, cause he's been sad. I had to let him hold Rose she he wouldn't be so sad anymore. That's why she's not here. She's in Daddy's room at Grandma's house."

"Gigi, eat your pancakes before they get cold."

"Okay."

When did five year olds start to notice so much?

"Gigi, why don't you go see if Rory's up?"

"I'm up. No need to send Gigi to test the waters for you."

"Rory!"

"Good morning Gigi." Rory picked her up to receive her kisses. Gigi was such a happy child. How could you not smile when she was around?

"Oh my goodness, those were huge kisses. How'd I get so lucky?"

"Cause you're my sister."

"Well in that case…" Gigi giggled as Rory showered her with kisses in return.

"Guess what Rory. It's Daisy's birthday and when Daddy gets here we're gonna have a party."

Addressing a quiet Lorelai, Rory asks, "Dad's coming?"

"Yeah, he's coming later. He had some work to do this morning, but he'll be here later. Rory, can we talk?"

After asking Gigi to play in her bedroom with the dolls Rory takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. "Mom, it's okay. I was out of line last night. I was just so scared. I didn't know where you were and I panicked and called Dad. I'm worried about you. He's worried about you. I'm worried about him. I just don't want to be in the middle of it but I am. I see things differently now."

"What does that mean? You see things differently now?"

"It means I'm not a kid anymore. I don't only see things as you explain them to me."

"Rory, it's obvious that you're upset. But, please bear with me. I'm trying to figure things out."

"You're right, Mom. I am upset, but not for the reasons you think. I'm upset because you're playing with his heart and it's not fair. I know you don't mean to do it, but you do. I've asked Dad over the years not to hurt you, but I've never considered how much you could hurt him."

"The last thing I want to do is hurt Christopher." Lorelai wanted nothing more than to see Chris happy. She just faltered sometimes. She wasn't perfect and never made any claims to be so. She just wished Rory could understand what she was going through.

"Well, I know what it's like to love someone, truly love them. Dad loves you and no matter what he's done in the past he doesn't deserve this. You have no idea how much he's hurting and he won't talk to me about it because he doesn't want me to think badly of you." Rory walked seemingly aimlessly around the kitchen in search of a mug. She opened and closed the cabinet twice, and had yet to retrieve a mug. "All my life I've taken your side and it's what he expects. But not this time Mom. You married Dad. Do you get how big that is? MARRIED. You don't get to marry Dad just to show Luke that you're over him and throw Dad aside when it suits you." She finally finished with the coffee she'd been intending to pour and paused to take a sip.

"Is that what you really think, Rory?"

"Yeah, that's what I think, and it's what Dad thinks, too. The whole relationship with was your way of getting over Luke and it's not working because you're not over Luke."

"Honey, you're wrong. I love your Dad, truly love him. I wasn't, I'm not using him to get over Luke. I married him because I love him."

"Right. You've done a great job of showing it."

"That's not fair." Rory refilled her cup and took a box pop tarts out the cupboard, but decided against it. "I need you to try and understand what I've been going through. I was scared and I can admit that. But I'm sure, Rory. I just need you to have an open mind. I need you, kid."

"What about Dad? You know what he needs, Mom. He needs you." Her voice was softer. At no point had they been yelling but it was obvious they weren't agreeing. But now it was obvious that Rory was trying to get a point across.

Lorelai knew today would be hard. But she'd foolishly thought speaking with Christopher would be the hardest part. Who knew she'd wake up to a one-two punch from Gigi and Rory? And to think, the 'fun' had only just begun.

"Mom. If you want me to take Gigi off your hands for a while when Dad gets here I will. If you two plan to talk, I don't think she should be here for it."

"Thanks, hon. Let's uh. See what your Dad thinks when he gets here. Can I just say one thing, kid?"

"Sure."

"You haven't me explain."

"I know. It's because I want you to talk to Dad first."

As if on cue, the phone rang. _I got you babe _sang loudly from Lorelai's phone. Rory met her eyes with a smile. "Really, Mom?"  
Lorelai shushed her daughter and picked up the phone. Her greeting was almost a whisper, definitely a question. "Chris?" She didn't know why she hadn't expected him to call. Of course he'd want to check on Gigi.

"Lor, good morning. How's everyone?" His voice sounded normal. She wasn't sure how to interpret what she was hearing.

"Everyone's good. Rory's heading out to get breakfast and Gigi's in the room with Daisy. You want to speak with her?"

"I don't need to. I was just checking in. I don't know why. I know she's fine with you. I just…"

"Chris, she's fine. Rory's fine. Everyone's fine. No need to worry. Get your work done. I'll tell Gigi you called. Oh, by the way. Maybe you should bring Rose with you when you come."  
"Rose? Gigi's red haired doll?"

"That's the one."

"Any particular reason?"

Before disconnecting the call she smiled and said, "It's Daisy's birthday of course."

I didn't want to rush the Lorelai/Chris action. I needed to let Lorelai and Rory talk things out first, but don't worry, it's coming. You'll get some direct conversation in the next chapter. I promise. Thanks for reading! Be kind, and tell me what you think.


	9. Chapter 9

Once again, I don't own Gilmore Girls.

**AN: Thanks guys for your reviews. I really appreciate them. ******

**Chapter 9: Putting it all out there**

Christopher had never been as nervous as he was on the drive to Stars Hollow. He'd been so distracted all day. As much as he loved his job, he could think of plenty places he'd have rather been this morning, at the bar around the corner nursing his fifth drink of the morning high on that list. He knew loving Lorelai was tough. Ordinarily he welcomed the challenge, but not today. Not this week. Not this month. Not since he'd discovered the letter.

He was wrong for reading it and he could admit that. But just think, had he not read the letter he'd not have known and maybe just maybe his head would still be buried in the sand. The more he thought it, the better it sounded. At least then he'd still be happy. He wouldn't have this huge vacant spot in his heart; a hole that had been filled with Lorelai for better than thirty years. He wondered if it were possible to stop loving someone you'd loved that long; that much; that fully. In the midst of all his wondering he'd missed his turn of the interstate and decided that he'd stop at the next place he saw and grab a cup of coffee. Noticing a bistro just ahead he decided maybe he'd get an Irish coffee.

Rory was good with Gigi and Gigi loved her big sister. The game of hide and seek they'd played for the past half an hour was fun, Lorelai had to admit. The tea party hadn't been bad either. For now, there had been a non aggression treaty formed between herself and Rory for Gigi's sake and she was thankful for it. Lorelai was thankful that after the sugar-rush this morning, and all the games later Gigi had admitted defeat and fallen asleep while hiding in Rory's closet. She'd taken the sleeping girl upset stairs with every intention on joining her in slumber. Rory was off to see Lane and now that she had sometime to herself she thought it too quiet.

Having Gigi here with her only reminded her how much she'd begun to loathe waking up alone. Waking up every morning in Christopher's arms had not taken any time to get used to, so why was she having such a hard time going back to waking up alone? She'd done it for twenty years! The sound of Gigi's slight wheeze was pulling her closer to sleep. She made a mental note to keep an eye out. That sounded like the beginning of a cold.

Lorelai awoke and immediately reached out to make sure Gigi was still there. She was surprised to see Christopher sitting in the chair on the other side of the room. The very chair that ordinarily lay draped with clothes she'd decided not to wear that day. The timid smile she produced meant to portray how she felt – happy – about his presence, but it came across as trite. Christopher wished it hadn't. He would've given just about anything to have been on the receiving end of a real smile in that moment. He'd arrived at the house not more than ten minutes ago to find the downstairs empty. He'd taken the stairs almost timidly in search of his girls. His heart had swelled looking at the two sleeping beauties. He'd had no choice but to take a seat. It felt right; coming home to them. The enormity of that had taken the wind out of him and he'd felt his knees go weak.

This hadn't been the first time he'd arrived and found Lorelai and his daughter asleep. Though that time it had been Rory and she'd been in an accident. He'd watched his girls sleep then too, wishing things could be different. Now, today, he'd had the very same feeling and it was all too much. He always seemed to be wishing things were different with Lorelai and his daughters. For a brief point is his life things had been perfect. His life was exactly what he wished it would be.

"Hey. When'd you get in?" She asked speaking in hushed tones as to not wake the sleeping five years old, subconsciously running her hands through her hair. It was perfect to him. She had no reason to worry.

"A few minutes ago. Gigi wore you out, huh?" He responded in the same quiet tone.

"Yeah, she did. Let me go, uh, wash my face. Can you excuse me a sec?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll be downstairs."

She found him on the couch, gazing at the blank television. He seemed tense. She noticed him clench his jaw when she came closer. She took a seat to his right and paused, suddenly unsure of what to say or how to say it. "How was work?"

"Honestly? I have no idea."

"That good, huh?"

"Couldn't concentrate. Everything at work is fine but my mind was here." Looking ahead he did his best to remain calm. He promised her they'd talk and he was going to do what he said he would.

"Chris, I'm sorry." As if he was refusing to meet her eyes he closed his. He had never been any good at resisting Lorelai and he had no desire to test the strength of those eyes today.

As if composing himself, he took a breath then sighed, replying with a bleak, "I know." "And for what it's worth so am I." He continued. "I could see that you weren't happy but I ignored it. I pushed those feelings aside thinking it was just me."

"Chris, I was happy, but I was scared. I don't know how to do this. I've never been married before, and it's you." She tried to explain but failed miserably. What she was hoping to get across was lost in transmission.

Dejected, Chris said what he thought "Right. It was me. Not _him_."

"Chris."

"You were fighting me on everything. It's like once we said those vows it changed. Something clicked for you and you regretted it so you were trying to push me away. Hoping I'd leave. And I know, I'd given you plenty reason to think that, what with our history-"

Breaking into the conversation Lorelai disagreed gently, "No, it wasn't like that."

He met her eyes and despite the fear in them he trudged forward, "I wanted it more than you and when you saw that I wasn't going anywhere you made me so uncomfortable. Forcing me to go out on man-dates with the guys in town, commenting on my clothes, you weren't happy with me so you tried to make into someone else, you tried to change me." By the time he'd finished his thought his voice level had been noticeably higher.

"I never wanted you to be anyone else. This is unfair. You're not even listening to me!"

"You wanted me to give, give, give, and I was willing, but you weren't willing to give on anything!"

"You were pressuring me!"

"Mom, Dad. Where's Gigi?"

"Hey, kiddo. Sorry, we didn't hear you come in."

"Hi Dad. I'm just going to grab Gig' so you guys can finish this."

"She's still asleep Rory." Lorelai weighed in, thankful for Rory's interruption. She didn't like where things were going.

"Still?" She questioned. "Well, it's okay, she's been out for a while. I'll wake her, that way she won't be up half the night."

"That's a good idea. I'll wake her. Just give me a few minutes Ror." Chris volunteered as he walked up to her and gave her a small hug. "How ya' feeling today?"

"Better than you." He let that hang in the air as he took the stairs two at a time. He found Gigi awake on the bed.

"Honey. Hey, I didn't know you were up. Come here. I missed you." She reached her arms up to him as he approached the bed and wrapped them tightly around his neck when he was within reach.

"I missed you, too." Still holding tight she asked, "Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"Can this be our home?"

"What?"

"I want this to be our home, with me and you and Rory and Auntie Lorelai. Can it Daddy? Please. I promise I'll be good everyday like I was good today."

"Oh honey. You're perfect, but that's not how we decided where we're going to live. Mommies and Daddies decide that but don't worry hon. I promise, you're home will have everything you ever dreamed it would." He'd make damn sure of it.

"Will it have a pony?"

"If that's what you want."

"What about Auntie Lorelai? Is she going to be there?"

"We'll see. Come on. Rory's downstairs waiting on you."

"Rory!"

After getting Gigi and Rory out the door Chris found Lorelai in the kitchen. "I made coffee. Have some."

"Thanks. I'm good."

"Good thing Rory came in when she did, huh?" She made an attempt at levity but again, it was lost on Christopher.

"I don't want to have a screaming match with you Lorelai. This is just so damn hard."

"No, it's not. I mean, it doesn't have to be."

"Lorelai, why are you doing this? You're confusing me. I don't know how to deal with this. At least when Sherry left she knew that she wanted to go. You have no clue what you want."

"This is nothing like what Sherry did! How dare you?"

"Isn't it?" He challenged.

"Look, Chris. I was scared. How many times can I say it? I felt like my life was out of my hands, out of my control. You were pulling the strings. You were pushing me, and you just kept pushing. I didn't what else to do so I started pulling away."

"You know what you do Lor, you talk about it. You talk to your husband and you let him in. What you don't do is shut him out. I gave you plenty of chances Lor. I was here and not just physically. You had all of me."

"Everything was changing! My life was changing."

"Nothing was changing because you wouldn't let it. Everything I suggested you shut down. I had to fight you for Gigi to have a place to sleep. You know this house isn't big enough for the four of us but you wouldn't even consider giving it up. You were forcing me to live in the house that Luke built!"

"Oh, Chris."

"No, Lor. No matter what I tried to do to smooth the transition it was of no use. It was all bad, or wrong, or not what you had or did when you were single. Well you know what Lor? We got married. You're life was supposed to change. For the better."

"You know what? You're right. You're right about everything. Does that make you happy?"

"Why would that make me happy Lorelai? Why? Do you know how many times I've asked you to marry me over the years? Huh? Five and that's not including when we were sixteen and just found out we were pregnant. Four times you said no. Didn't even consider it. And when you finally said yes, I knew my life would be perfect from that moment on."

Ashamed by the enormity of what he'd shared Lorelai focused on the table, avoiding his eyes. Wanting to ignore the silence that suddenly engulfed the kitchen. She had no idea what he wanted her to say. He'd said so much. "I considered it every time you asked."

She'd never heard such timidity in her own voice. This was completely foreign to her; these feelings, this uncertainty. Vulnerability was a feeling she loathed and that was the only way she could describe the way she felt right now. Vulnerable. This is exactly why she was so hesitant to put her heart out there. She thought she'd never feel like she felt when she and Luke broke up the first time, but this was far worse. How could you miss someone so much when they were sitting right next to you? Lorelai had not seen Christopher as doleful as this moment. She knew him better than anyone but she didn't know how to fix this.

When Christopher had reached out to her after Sherry left she'd been his saving grace, swooping in and helping make things better. That had been the low point in his life and she was there to help him through it. He'd turned to her. When she was at what she believed to be her lowest, when she'd ended thing with Luke, she'd turned to him. They'd always been each other's safe place. But in this moment, the shelter of each other's arms wouldn't fix it. They had to try harder. They had to dig deeper. She had to find a way to fix this. They could be fixed, couldn't they?

Christopher couldn't deny his feelings for this woman if he wanted to. She'd been quiet for too long. Not talking, was not something she was known for. When he looked at her and saw the tears on her cheeks his heart lurched and he reached out to her, stroking her hair. "Lor…Lorelai."

She didn't know how long he'd been trying to get her attention. She'd zoned out; gotten lost in her thoughts. Unconsciously she leaned into his hand and when the other came up to wipe the tears she didn't realize were running down her cheeks she covered his hand with hers. "Please, don't cry. I'm sorry. You're right, I'm not being fair. I'm not blameless. I was wrong, too. I wasn't there for you like you needed to be, when you needed me. I…I wasn't there when Richard had his heart attack and I'll never forgive myself for that. I don't expect you to forgive me either. You were right to doubt if I'd be there. I did exactly what I promised you I wouldn't."

"No. No, Chris you were only gone because of me and that stupid letter. It wasn't even a letter, I swear. I pushed you away. You were gone because of me." She wasn't able to stop the tears from falling and he let her cry.

"Lorelai." He pulled his hand away, realizing for the first time that their fingers had laced together. "It wasn't just about the letter. It was everything. There is so much more to it."

She reached for his hand again, pulled it to her chest, "I know. But Chris I love you. I want you. I want us."

Now was his turn to be betrayed by his eyes. There was no escaping the tumultuous feelings raging inside of him at this moment. "Why couldn't you have known that before? Why couldn't you have said that last night? That was all I needed to hear but you couldn't bring yourself to say it."

"I'm saying it now and I mean it."

**Okay… That seems like a good place to stop for now. It's a little longer than usual, but these two have A LOT to work out. Tell me what you think. I'm eager to hear it. **


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